Not Function Well Family

Are you belong to the family that doesn't function well? Did you already experienced that? How does it feel?

I know how does it feel.

My parents have arguments few years ago. They used to fight at all the time. They had argue about everything. Yell here! Yell there! Sometimes they didn't speak to each other for long days.

I felt scared.

Would they stop talking to each other forever? Why they didn't like each other any more? Would they stop care of us? How about we as the fruit of their loving?

When my family talked about getting annulment, I thought I was to blame. Lots of time I annoyed them. I spoiled their fun when I got sick.

One night, I got wound because of the door that accidentally falls to my head. That's why I have scar on my face. I thought the way I hurt and care about me, everything will be goin’ fine but I’m wrong. 

I felt guilty.

I tried to be good by doing chores and studying well. They still fighting. They are not fighting because of me. Sometimes, my Dad said bad things about my Mom. I couldn't stand listening to either one. I don't want to hear them saying bad things about each other.

I loved them both.

Then the day come that my parent decided to get annulment. My said she would be moving away. I asked her how about me, my sisters and my brother. How could she leave us if she love us, how would she care for us? Who would be my Mom? My sister?

I felt angry.

I wanted to keep them together because we are family. One day, I woke up, I'm looking around. Mom not at home. It means Mom leaved. Almost every night, I cried.

 I felt they didn't love me.

She wasn't around. Then I found that she's on my grandma's home. Often, I visited her. She gave two pair shoes for both of me and my sister. I'm thankful because she's there supporting then.
I missed her. I miss her at all. I missed her cooked, her laughed, the way she care for us. It was difficult to fall asleep. I was angry at my Dad for pushing her to leave us.

I felt unhappy.

It was awful. But after a while I didn't cry as much.
The house seemed like lonely without my Mom.

I felt lonely.

Even Dad didn't leave. He almost not at the house because he's a vendor. It was strange for me not having Mom around.

Even this was a bitter story of mine, there's nothing reason to be rebel my life. It's not the end of my life. Rebelling doesn't gave any good to drive my life through.

to be continue. . .

Forgetful

Note: Before I post this, I wrote this during I recognize all what to say in this article.

Most of old people are the most who experience memory lost. Yeah, that's normal when it comes in the matter of aging. I have been experienced not recognized by one of special person to me and that's my grandmother of my mother's side. I felt the sadness knowing that even the who is special person can't recognized me.

There comes a day I have learned about the Alzheimer's disease during the time I played "Brain Juice game" in my sister's mobile phone. I quickly stopped playing. There were many questions came on my mind. Imagine how does young person will survive in this kind of disease. What will be the feeling of the person having this disease and how himself/herself and the people around him/her handle this situation when it will come to us? How does it feel getting affected?

Few days ago, I frequently forgot many things. I don't know why? Maybe it's because of I'm so forgetful now. I don't know how it come? Maybe because of wanting to forget some of my bad memories. Until now I forget little things. I'm scared that I might forgot those persons whose been special and whose been part of my life too.


If ever the day will come that you will see me walking by and feels like don't know you, a '?' mark on me. So confusing, right? All I could say is SORRY. Sorry, you'll be the one to introduce yourself to me as if you want because I could even recognized you at all 'til the end of my life. But if I had the bitterness experience during the bad times with you, all might be fine if you will don't ever introduce yourself as well.

I am contented that you've been part of my life during those times we've been accompanied. Anyhow, before I forget these words. I wannna say Thank you for those times we've shared.


I started writing this January 14 and because of many things intended to accomplish and having this gap in my memory, I finished this January 16.